digging up the roots of gender-based violence

Commenting Notes-Please Read

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3 responses to “Commenting Notes-Please Read

  1. Brenda Blackwelder July 13, 2012 at 11:24 am

    Thank you for this article. Advocating violence should never be tolerated. Thank you for speaking out.

  2. Bill Brickey October 16, 2014 at 9:59 am

    Putting an end to violence against women is essential in our society. Living in fear of physical abuse and torment is second only to actually being abused and tormented. Men have become the focus of arguments to end violence against women because of their physical and social dominance. The surest way to bring about a quick paradigm shift in order to end is to educate men on the issue(s) surrounding the propagation of this violence. In order to accomplish this task it is necessary to encourage men to seek enlightenment, pursue individual growth and to see themselves as emotional, compassionate beings. In other words, we will experience our greatest success once men feel connected to women, children, animals and society as a whole. Violence is more easily propagated when the individual, persons or communities being acted against are DE-humanized. Men who are connected with their own emotions, family and community; REALLY CONNECTED, are less likely to act violently against women or anyone else for that matter. Rhetoric that demonizes men, then, defeats the purpose of the blog ( unless the purpose of the blog is to demonize men ). The purpose of the blog seems to be to speak out against violence against women and children. A very important and noble pursuit indeed. I wonder though, if alienating men as a gender and as political animals serves the purpose of the blog. Certainly, some of the children are male. Certainly, some of the violence is visited upon male children. Certainly, acts of violence against women and children are not isolated incidents but part of an institutionalized cycle of violence used to keep people in their place. Certainly, some of the acts of violence perpetrated against women, children and men are carried out by women– making the USE OF VIOLENCE in relationships (domestic, commercial, industrial and political) the actual target of our mission to end violence against women. I wonder if seeing men as humans also victimized by oppressive gender roles might not be a more effect way of bringing about a drastic change in the male dominance paradigm that has oppressed women for hundreds of thousands of years. Could it be, that, while clumsy and oafish, websites like the Art of Manliness, who most recently posted a week long series on the negative effects of pornography, are the beginning of a cisgendered male movement to find a definition of masculinity that does not need to oppress women or anyone else? Perhaps suppressing efforts to define a healthy masculine identity is dangerous in that it locks men into the stifling non-emotional, disconnected role of Arnold Schwarzenegger Terminator types, summoned like Golems to do societies violent bidding, only to become the despised, uncontrollably violent step children that we as society cast away and then curse when they act out. Maybe, in order to stop violence against women, you have to do more than find someone to blame. Maybe the violence against women is just the part that we can see and the rest of the iceberg is just below the surface and bigger than we have ever imagined.

  3. Kole October 23, 2014 at 3:11 pm

    Thanks for your comment and we appreciate that folks come from all different perspectives and have something valid to contribute to the conversation. Below you will find a quote to a recent post on this blog; as well as, a link to resources that we see as more comprehensive, equitable and healthy solutions and resources for men than what AOM has to offer. We are all in this together…..

    “There is legitimacy to the emergence of men’s issues and we certainly need to talk about them; however, our deeply felt pain has nothing to do with feminism and has everything to do with the socially sanctioned narratives our culture tells us about what it means to be a man. At HAVEN, and in other areas of feminist movement, we service victims and survivors of IPV and sexual assault of all genders. We work with men to identify and develop strategies for personal development and social change. We do this to create a more fulfilling life for men and boys, and more importantly, we do this to involve men in ending men’s violence against women. It’s not simply questioning manhood that will address men’s concerns; however, once we bring women and men together collaboratively and concede our shared humanity, we then begin to heal the crisis in connection that we mutually endure.”


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